lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I did not marry a roomba.
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