You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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