You're my little dorito
you traded sex for a burrito?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
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