Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I wish there were birth control emojis
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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