one two three fourrrrnication!
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
