Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
