After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
