You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
