tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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