So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
