You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
