my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
