arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
