If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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