apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
