If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
