If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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