We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
