we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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