he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
