She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
