Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
