I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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