If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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