I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I puked a lego.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Randomize
