My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
