i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Still dying that you shit outside
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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