I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
