She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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