when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I forget how to act sober
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize