He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize
