Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
