As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
