the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
