i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Randomize
