I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
They are going to name an STD after you.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Randomize
