This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
