Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Randomize
