I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
