A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
