What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
