but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
it's like heaven, but drunker
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
