I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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