hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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