i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
