my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
the condom got lost in my hair
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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