Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
