i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
