It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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