You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
