i permit you to call me
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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