you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
