The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
