ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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