I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
