I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Randomize
