wrigley field is MILF paradise
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
