Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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