good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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