"it" just moved
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
