I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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