Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
