my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
