after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
