i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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