Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
