She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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