I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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