Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
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