..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize